I quit my job yesterday. It was causing my body to hurt so badly, that I decided I’d better get out before I run myself to the ground. It was really sad, though. I enjoyed my job, and I absolutely loved everyone I worked with. We were all a tight-knit little group. There were tears and hugs all around, and my boss told me I can come back any time I want to. I told him this summer may be that time. Right now, I want to focus on substitute teaching. I get tons of offers each week, and turn them down so I don’t let my team down at the store. I am almost done with the master program, and should be teaching in my own classroom by August; possibly January if things work out that way. But if I have to wait until August, I’ll be back at the store for the summer months so we don’t go broke.
I woke up this morning feeling sad that I wasn’t going to work. Because of what happened at the bar, I kept my distance from the people I worked with, but we still forged relationships anyway. I learned a lot about teamwork there and the lessons I learned will always be used. I’ve never worked somewhere that people help each other. It’s always the opposite; cut-throat assholes, so it was a really nice change.
I’ll miss it, but now I am setting out on a scary as hell journey into the world of education. I am terrified. What if I hate it? What if I suck at it? What if the kids treat me like shit? What if I screw up? What if I tell a kid something wrong? What if the parents come yelling? So many things that could go wrong, and probably will go wrong. I’ve been reading books and websites on how to handle all of these things, but reading and doing are two very different things.
I am certified to work an internship; I got my letter a few weeks ago, but I do not even know where to begin to find one. I want to work at one specific school, and I hear their turnover rate is pretty high. That should send alarm bells to me, but it doesn’t. It gives me hope. Hope that there will soon be an opening that I can have. The sooner I get into a classroom, the sooner I’ll be fully certified, and we can move away. That’s all we are waiting for. Me. And for my older son to graduate, but that’s only two years away, and by then I’ll be fully certified and ready to go get my PhD.
I wish I could say where we plan to go, but I can’t because my goal is to literally disappear from this town. I don’t want anyone to know where I am or what I am doing, and I certainly don’t want anyone to try to find me. After this last year, I am done. I dream of the day we pack up the U-Haul and head out forever. There are a lot of places we can go, but I have one in mind that we all agree on. That place has a doctorate program, great schools, and is still enough in the vicinity that I don’t have to get completely re-certified all over again. They also pay teachers very well over there. Between my boyfriend and me, we’ll almost be rich! It’s nice to have some light at the end of the tunnel, you know? We’ve suffered so much in the last decade that to know we WILL be okay is a freeing feeling.
And the medical system there is amazing. I might be able to live a virtually pain-free life and be normal again. I work harder than my body allows, and that is what held me back at the store. They wanted me to manage, but I could only handle 3 days a week there, and sometimes only 2. It just depended on how I felt that week. The pain is getting better or I’m getting used to it, I’m honestly not sure which, but either way, I can keep my house clean, work, do school, hang out with the kids, and do some normal things. I can’t run around anymore or do cardio like I used to, but I can still work out lightly. I’ll have to now, being out of the store. I am pure muscle. 30 lbs of muscle I put on since March….it’s crazy. I’m super strong and bigger and I like it. But I know if I don’t keep it up, I’ll get fat. So today, I will start working out again, much to my despair.
Anyway, I will not diet, and it’s time for my fattening vanilla Dr. Pepper from Sonic because I cannot live without them! I’ll keep updating on things. I’m running 3 blogs right now, so I don’t have time to post all of them every day. ((Hugs))